“I had no premonition, when my first grandchild was born, that I would be writing this book. How could I know that Ruben’s birth would lead me to question many of my essential ‘truths’ about being male or female? That his small fierce journey across the landscape of gender would take me on one of my own? That Ruben’s insistence on living his own truth would inspire me to live mine more fully? None of us knew then that my grandson, soon to be celebrated in every hue of blue, would undo our gender bearings. These were impossible circumstances to imagine the morning Ruben arrived. I simply held him to my heart and gazed into his face, as surely in-love as I’ve ever been in the whole of my life…” p.11, Becoming an Ally to the Gender-Expansive Child
This is Meg-John Barker here. I’m one of the authors of the new JKP book How to Understand Your Gender. JKP asked me to write a blog post about how I came to understand my own gender identity, so here I am.
When I shared a pic of the book cover on Facebook one of my friends asked whether it came with a guarantee that the reader would understand their gender by the end of the book! They pointed out that they’d already read and learnt rather a lot about this topic and that certainly hadn’t left them with some kind of clear simple understanding of their own gender.
I had to agree. ‘Complex’ might well be one of the words Alex and I use most in the book, because gender is certainly that! As with our sexuality, relationship patterns, sense of self, inner emotional world, and so much else about being human, understanding our genders is probably going to be a lifetime journey for all of us. And it’s made even more of an ongoing process by the fact that both the wider cultural understandings of gender, and our own experiences of it, change over time.
So, no the book won’t necessarily leave you understanding your gender in a simple ‘Eureka, I’m a ___!’ kind of way. What it will help you to understand is how your wider world views gender, how you came to experience your gender in the way you do today within this, and what options are available to you as you take your next steps on your gender path.
Fox Fisher is an illustrator, non-binary Trans campaigner, co-founder of Trans Pride Brighton and runs the My Genderation film project. He is the co-author of children’s book, Are You a Boy or Are You a Girl.
Click here to watch Fox’s message to his younger self.
Trans Day of Visibility is an important day to raise awareness that not all trans people have the opportunity to be out and proud about who they are. Trans people still have to hide away parts of their identity out of fear, because of stigma and because discrimination. This day serves as a reminder that everyone should be able to be themselves, regardless of gender identity. We cannot truly live in an equal and just society if certain people have to hide away parts of themselves and do not have the freedom to be who they are.
When I was growing up there was no visibility of trans people and I had no one to look up. I didn’t know of anyone who was trans and I think that if representation and visibility had been at the same point it is now, I would have come out much sooner and saved myself from years of self-hate and depression. Thankfully, today things have taken a huge shift and trans people are able to come out sooner and live as their true selves.
This is why I felt it so important to co-create a children’s book where we never find out if the central character, Tiny, is a girl or a boy, because it shouldn’t matter and everyone should be treated with respect regardless of their gender.
Fox’s new book, Are You a Boy or Are You a Girl, is out in May. Click here to find out more.