Jessica Kingsley Publishers

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Crystalline Lifetime

Fragments of Asperger Syndrome

Luke Jackson

Paperback: £11.99 / $19.95

2006, 216mm x 138mm / 8.5in x 5.5in, 80pp
ISBN: 978-1-84310-443-8, BIC 2: DSC BG VFJ VFJD

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Preface

I've heard it said before that a picture is worth a thousand words, except nobody ever says what these words are. Writing a story through pictures has long been a fascination of mine, though it has made me realize that nothing is said about the words the picture tells because the story changes and twists depending on who the viewer is – the picture is just the idea.

In the same way, when words are put together in the right way, they create images in the mind of the person browsing, a full short film that takes on the thoughts and feelings of not only the writer, but the reader.

Looking at some of the pictures and poems I'd written, I found that a lot of them fit together well, so in the pages that follow, I've included some of my own thoughts and feelings at the time of writing, in word and image form.

Signing the contract for this was the hardest job in putting together what you're about to read, as a lot of these poems are personal to me, and reflect on what I was thinking/feeling at that time.

Just note before you start to read that I've changed a lot and come a long way since I wrote these poems – I just hope that they will give you some insight into what things were like for me back then and help you to realize that life doesn't stand still.

When some of these poems were written I still attended school, and I will freely admit that life was tough.

I eventually left at the age of 14 years after completely having had enough, and I have since muddled through life, tried college and learned lots of life lessons that school prevented me from learning. I now enjoy singing and playing in a band with some mates (of whom I have many now), going out and socializing, and making new friends. The buzz of meeting new people is a far cry from the difficulties I once had – funny how things change like that. I may not always get things right but as I get older, people accept me for who I am and respect me for being myself. Kids around my age try to stand out from the crowd a lot, through fashion, music and personality, but standing out without any of this seems to come more naturally to me than most.

For those of you who have read my last book Freaks, Geeks and Asperger's Syndrome and have seen the (slightly outdated) picture of me on the back, I have added a newer picture of me since. I've changed a lot over the years, and to be honest, I don't even think of the spiky-haired teenager as me anymore. People have commented on how I change my appearance so drastically – I have had a shaved head, short hair, long hair, spiky hair, purple, orange and black hair and basically any colour you can think of.

This new style is one which I feel particularly comfortable with as I cover the eye that has a tendency to turn outwards – my 'squiffy eye', I guess you would call it. I am not saying do the same if you have a squiffy eye as apparently it can make the eye even lazier but for now, unless I change again, this is what I feel most confident with. After I finished school, around the age of 13 or 14, finding my identity again was hard, because expressing yourself is something that seems to be quashed in the schooling system.

The poems and photos in this book were taken over a period of around four years, so if anyone wants to ask me any questions about them and I have forgotten about them, I apologize in advance!

Luke Jackson

Real

When you people look at me
What is it you think you see?
A frightened boy
Alone, afraid,
Or just a foolhardy charade?
Do you see through the shell I make?
Look closely at your empty fate;
Is this who you want to be?
A shell born of transparency?
Wake up, open your eyes,
To see the nothingness inside
A hollow shell, bereft of pride
Moulded by society, hollow
Is this the path you want to follow?

But is it true
What you think you see?
Or is it a fake?
Not the real me?
You dont know;
Probably dont care
But when you next see yourself
Beware.
Do you see yourself, real and true?
Or do you see a farce, not you?