Paperback: £12.95 / $18.95
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2002, 234mm x 156mm / 9.25in x 6in, 224pp
ISBN: 978-1-84310-098-0, BIC 2: JMC
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From Asperger Syndrome and the Autistic Spectrum
One unusual thing about me is that I have what some people would call a disability but I call a gift - Asperger Syndrome (AS). I know there are many books written about Asperger Syndrome and quite a few from people who actually have it, but I am hoping that writing about myself and my perspective on life may help other people to understand themselves or their children better. I am only thirteen so my view on life may be different from an adult. Then again it may not. Mum always says I am thirteen going on thirty! That means that she thinks I talk and act as if I am older than I really am.
Although I am a teenager and have Asperger Syndrome, I would hope that my book will help people who are younger and older than me and also those who are anywhere on the autistic spectrum, not just those with Asperger Syndrome. Although people on the autistic spectrum are very different, there are also many similarities in the way we think and perceive the world. I know this because of my brothers.
I do like to be helpful and I especially like the idea of helping other kids on the autistic spectrum. If there are any teenagers or adolescents reading this, then I know how hard it is to stand out from the crowd, but yet so desperately want to blend in. Please read on and I will give you all the tips I can. I know I am a boy (stating the obvious rather here!) and so have written from my perspective, but AS girls or parents and carers of AS girls, don't think this stuff doesn't apply. I am sure that a lot is relevant.
Here's a bit of stuff that explains what AS is, but not in too much detail because that isn't what this book is about. There are loads of others that do that. Take a look at the Further Reading section. Asperger Syndrome comes under the umbrella of autism. That's quite a useful way to think of the autistic spectrum - as an umbrella with lots of people under it all in different places. The trouble with that analogy is that some people are being rained on a lot harder than others and that doesn't really happen with an umbrella.
It never rains but it pours. The talk of umbrellas reminded me of this expression but it actually has very little to do with autism; I just have a 'grasshopper mind'. I am not sure that any analogy can accurately describe the variety of people who have some kind of autism so I am not going to go bother comparing it any more.
AS is usually described as a mild form of autism but, believe me, though the good outweighs the bad, there are some bits that most certainly are not mild. AS people reading this, do you feel as if you only have a 'mild' problem when you are having one of those days where you feel as if you may well be from another planet?
Some people call it a communication disorder too. In some ways I suppose that is accurate because, although we communicate with others, wires seem to get crossed and they get the wrong messages. The same goes the other way. Other people's interactions and communications with us somehow get distorted in transit.
Sorry AS people, if I am being rather cryptic here. I hate it when people talk like that and here I am doing it myself - I am writing a book though! Just try to think of a telephone wire going from us to non-AS people and as the words travel down the wires, they jumble up and get distorted.
Anyway here is what other books say about autism and Asperger Syndrome. Apparently for both autism and Asperger Syndrome, people have a 'triad of impairments'. I only know bits about this from what I have read (and from personal experience, of course). These impairments are in communication, social interaction and imagination. Repetitive behaviours, obsessions and sensory problems are also often part of the problem, though not always present. Mum told me that she read somewhere that someone compared these problems with an equalizer and all people on the autistic spectrum have different levels for each problem. I think this is a really good analogy so whoever you are that thought of it, thank you!
The problems with communication, social interaction and imagination affect everyone differently. Some people on the lower end of the autistic spectrum may not talk at all, whilst others with AS or high functioning autism (HFA) seem to speak rather differently and have difficulties understanding a lot of other forms of communication such as facial expressions and body language. These things can be learned to a certain extent I think, though we will probably not see things as the majority see them (nor would we want to!).
Apparently I am very pedantic and speak slowly and monotonously. My sisters often tell me stuff like this! I am also told that I have a problem with communication because I do not know when I am boring someone. I suppose this is true. I like to talk about computers and don't usually realize that others don't want to. Well actually I do, but when I am thinking about computers I am not thinking about anyone else.
Problems with social interaction can be so, so varied. Poor or no eye contact is seen to be a problem with social interaction, though I would dispute that. It is only a problem for those who want to be looked at.
Ben has real problems with social interaction, but if someone came into our house they wouldn't realize this, as he is quite sociable and relaxed there. When he is out, he goes up to people and licks their feet or grins right into their faces and keeps saying, 'What's your name?' However many times they answer, he keeps grinning and saying the same thing over and over again.
Joe too has a problem with social interaction but certainly not in the way I do. He goes up to strangers and chats to them and tells them our life story and asks all sorts of personal questions and says things which I know that others consider rude. We recently had our feet measured at a shoe shop and when the lady asked Joe a question he ignored her. She repeated it again and he said, 'Oh sorry I didn't know you were talking to me as you are very cross-eyed' (which she was).
I am just illustrating how these problems with communication and social interaction can be so different from person to person and through all areas of the autistic spectrum. AS people often find it difficult to mix and can't quite fathom out what they are meant to do when with other people. In our area the autism team have started an AS social club and we laughed because it seemed such a contradiction in terms. The funny thing is that though we are all varied in our abilities, our interests are all pretty much the same so we can talk about computers incessantly and be accepted. It's good to know that I am in a group of people like myself. Because I have adapted fairly well and, though I don't like to boast (snigger from my sisters here!), I am fairly intelligent, I wonder if anyone realizes how hard and tiring life is sometimes. It's such a break to be sat in a group of people who all know that I do have genuine difficulties.
Repetitive behaviours speak for themselves - of course they don't speak but I mean the term is self-explanatory! People often flap their hands or do things that may seem weird to other people. These are all very satisfying and comforting things to do actually, but generally not accepted in our wonderful world. I tend to think of it as a bit like playing with your privates or picking your nose (if you excuse me being so blunt). If you are going to do it then don't do it in public. Of course, if these are involuntary things, then that is different. Personally it doesn't bother me who flaps and jumps. All this stuff is about 'appearing normal' and really no one should ever have to do that, but if you do want to fit in, then there is no harm in trying to blend in as long as it isn't a strain and you don't try to pretend to be something that you are not.
From The Dating Game
At the age of around seven years old or maybe younger, boys and girls seem to kick and push each other a lot. Mum has told me that this is often because they actually like the person they are kicking - and AS kids are considered weird!! AS kids reading this, I am not by any means explaining this so that you think you have to do this kind of stuff. Just be yourself. I am merely highlighting the fact that to get to where we are now - a bag of nerves or a gibbering wreck (these both mean very nervous) in the face of a fanciable person - we have not had the same social experiences as non-AS kids.
Whenever I am within ten metres of anyone that I fancy (I fancy girls but I suppose some may fancy members of their own sex), I feel as if I have suddenly changed from the Luke Jackson, the class nerd (which I don't think is too bad) to Luke Jackson, the class cockroach. For some unknown reason, once a girl becomes elevated in a boy's mind (or body!) and takes on the status of a deity, they seem to develop the power to make boys feel extremely inferior just by their mere existence. This is a very different feeling to the usual state of affairs, whereby girls slam doors in your face, call you names and generally treat you like something they would scrape off their shoes - that means dog muck.
I am sure all of you reading this know the kind of girls I mean, and I am even surer that you AS kids reading this experience it frequently. Girls seem particularly cruel, especially when in their packs. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me. What a load of bullshit (sorry but that is the only word that is appropriate). 'Sugar and spice and all things nice, that's what little girls are made of.' 'Slugs and snails and puppy dog's tails, that's what little boys are made of.' AS kids, if you have never heard these phrases, then they come from a common rhyme and seem to indicate that little boys are made of horrible things and little girls are made of good things. Both you and I know that this is simply not true!
When approaching a girl that I fancy, even to say a simple hello, a lot of phrases come to mind immediately. None of them happen literally of course, but when people say that their legs turn to jelly or they get butterflies in their stomach or their tongue sticks to the roof of their mouth, then these phrases become clear when they actually happen to you. When people say that their legs have turned to jelly, they mean that their legs feel weak and shaky. Butterflies in the stomach isn't exactly accurate but it does describe the churning feeling when you are very nervous. I would describe that as more like a rock in a tumble dryer. It's slightly different to that heavy feeling in your stomach that you get when you are feeling very sad. Your tongue sticking to the roof of your mouth or being tongue tied is describing the feeling of being incapable of speaking when you know that you really have something to say.
Often when you approach a girl who you fancy, your face goes red too. With me this happens to my ears. This means that you are feeling embarrassed and I believe it is very natural. I am told that it is nowhere near as obvious to others as it is to you, though somehow I find this hard to believe. When my ears are luminous red, I feel as if I could single handedly (or earedly) light up the classroom in the event of a power failure!
AS and dating definitely do not mix. Dating involves a lot of social interaction and I am sure I can also speak for other AS kids too when I say that our reserves are very small. Plus there are not many girls that love talking all day about computers!
From Bullying
All my life I have been bullied. Well at least I mean periodically and at school, not at home - not literally every minute of my life. That really would be a sad existence! I have found this a very upsetting chapter to write so I hope it helps some of you. I know writing it has made me resolve never to let them get away with it again. If you are being bullied, then you do the same.
Mum used to get annoyed because she said I always left it till the bullying got too much to bear before I told her it was going on. What she doesn't realize is that kids do this kind of thing and I was used to it. Note the use of the past tense here. I am now puffing out my chest (figuratively speaking, of course!) and stating firmly 'no more'. AS kids, if you are reading this bit, then join with me and do the same.
There was another reason for me not telling her things too. AS kids don't realize which things they are supposed to go home and tell. 'What have you done at school today?' wouldn't automatically bring about the answer 'I have been bullied' unless that subject was specifically asked about. I have listed a few bits of advice for parents here, though I am not an expert on parenting or on seeing someone else's point of view. After all, I have AS and... I am only thirteen!
The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome
Tony Attwood
Girls Growing Up on the Autism Spectrum: What Parents and Professionals Should Know About the Pre-Teen and Teenage Years
Shana Nichols
With Gina Marie Moravcik and Samara Pulver Tetenbaum
