Paperback: £19.99 / $28.95
add to cart
2000, 246mm x 173mm / 10in x 7in, 320pp
ISBN: 978-1-85302-796-3, BIC 2: VFJD
JFFG
JNR
From chapter 2: Diagnosis, Disclosure and Self-advocacy
By the time you have written your biography chapters in this workbook, you will have a lot of self-knowledge at your fingertips. You know much about what has worked for you and what hasn't. You will know about specific learning and performance areas you need to address to make a difference in your present or future work. This knowledge can make you a good self-advocate. As with other kinds of knowledge, how you choose to use it to your advantage requires good judgment, perspective, and your use of a specialized kind of common sense. One thing we know about ourselves is that we do have weakness in these areas. But weakness does not mean an absence of those elements. The disclosure and advocacy questions in Part 3 of this workbook deal with the following items:
Tricks of the trade - practical tips on self-advocacy
We'll go right down the list. Handling every single one of them will require that you rehearse your responses with someone you trust. You can rehearse the challenges you might find with each of these items, so that when the time comes, you should be fully prepared and in charge of your own process of self-advocacy.
Who
Autism is not something that most people understand. High functioning autism, or AS, is something that fewer people understand. Telling everyone about your Asperger Syndrome will leave a lot of folks confused, often wondering why you bothered to tell them in the first place. Ask yourself what is to be accomplished by telling any person you consider informing about your AS. We had a reputation as children, and many of us as adults, of being 'little professors'. Now we're grown-up 'professors'. Most people don't relate to pedantic persons, and we can be pedantic. Choose your 'who' wisely. A general rule of thumb is that whoever you tell you must trust, and second, that their knowledge about you will do you no harm, and, of equal importance, do them no harm. For some people, telling them about AS is like throwing a dead fish at them. They don't know what to do with the information, and that can make them dangerous to you. Be careful.
With someone you trust, tell them as much as you can about the 'who' person. Ask your trusted person to play-act the role of the 'who' person, and then you can practice interacting with that 'who' person through role-playing. Have your trusted person throw you some tough questions, things you know that the real 'who' is likely to ask. Have them do some of the same things, and practice dealing with that behavior.
Rehearse.
When
This is a toughie. We are known to be impulsive and impatient. We often interrupt other people with our business, paying little attention to what they are doing at that moment. Many of us are clueless about these matters, yet this is one issue where timing is crucial. If you must tell someone, make sure they have the time to listen, and you have the time to do it right. If that person is busy, make an appointment. They will appreciate your consideration because it shows you respect the other things they have to do. Even if you have an appointment, you might want to remind them of the appointment shortly beforehand, and when arriving, check in with them to find out whether they still have time to talk. If they don't, and they tell you that, reschedule.
'When' also means when you are ready. For this issue, you must take charge of your own time. If you are not ready to discuss or disclose and someone asks you to do so, your wish to satisfy him or her may be very dangerous to your survival on the job. You may say things you do not mean. You may say too much, or commit other kinds of mistakes that leave a lasting impression. All of this may happen because you did not take charge of your own time.
If you are concerned that this might happen, have someone practice interrupting you when you are doing something else, and have him or her demand that you answer his or her questions. Rehearse how to be polite and control these events. Develop and memorize scripts that allow you to escape the demand and the pressure and still be polite, but in charge. To rehearse for this, you might want to practice telling someone a secret that isn't so loaded with importance. Practicing this way will teach you how to handle these disruptions safely. Once you have done that, you can move on to rehearsing your disclosure.
How
Remember that people learn in different ways. The way you learn things may be quite different than how another person learns, and the trick to mastering 'how' is to know how that person learns best. The following suggestion may sound ludicrous, but try it. If you know who you wish to disclose your AS to, approach them when they seem open to being approached, and ask them how they learn about something completely unconnected with what you want to tell them. If they have an interest or a skill, ask them outright how they learnt that skill. Ask them about one other unrelated matter, and then sneak around to the topic of how they learn new things about other people. That's a harmless enough question, and they will probably want to tell you. Listen carefully to what they say. They are telling you about their 'learning hooks', and it is those hooks you want to engage when you are ready to disclose your AS to them.
Before you tell them, rehearse.
What
We get into trouble with this one all the time. Many of us can't seem to stop once we get going. We know that, yet we forge ahead anyhow, hoping the other person will put up with it. Don't be so sure. Not with this topic. Remember, the topic is you, not just AS. We may think we are interesting topics all by ourselves. That may be true, but that's not the point. Other people may not think so. Your point in disclosing your AS is to provide just enough information for people to understand your particular job challenges. They don't want to see or hear about the contents of the whole kitchen sink.
Brevity. The best rule is to say as little as you can in as few words as possible, and keep those words simple and focused on your exact workplace challenges. Anything more and you will have their eyelids fluttering and boredom setting in. What you say to anyone at work about your AS should be directly related to the other five basic questions listed above. Tell them something in order to explain yourself or start negotiations. Do not chatter on. Your particular 'medical' condition is of little interest to people otherwise. Try to keep that in mind. Rehearse what you are going to say with a trusted person. What you say may depend on why, who, when, how, and how much you need to say. One thing to keep uppermost in your mind during your rehearsals with a trusted person is that you are providing this information for a practical purpose. You want to get something from having said it. AS may be fascinating to you. It may even be fascinating to the other person. However, they only need the information that will allow you to keep doing your job. The best way to guarantee that you don't say too much is to rehearse saying your short piece. When you master the technique, say your short piece to the important person and stop. Just like that. It's harder than you think.
Rehearse.
Why
This is the mother lode. You know about your AS. You know whom you are going to tell. You've got the timing down right. You know how the other person learns, and you've tuned your information to the way they learn about people. You know what to say, and not a word more. So, why? Why tell?
There is no limit to the number of reasons why you should disclose. Remember, at the heart of a 'why' is 'whether' you should tell at all. Has something happened at work that is best covered with an explanation? Think first whether your telling will 'fix' what needs to be fixed. If all the person has at the end of your disclosure is an interesting story and no way to recoup a loss or fix something (including a relationship) that is broken, rethink the whole process. People communicate for a reason. In my case, I had to plead my way into being retained by explaining that I couldn't function in a more complex job. It was either the dumbed down job or out the door. I couldn't afford the second choice.
Frankly, that was, and still is a terrible reason to disclose, but it was all I had at the time. My disclosure happened after I had just been diagnosed. I didn't know there were guidelines that would have made it easier. I was out there on my own, not realizing that, when I disclosed, I was very vulnerable. I was at the bottom of a profound reactive trough of depression following my diagnosis.
Another 'why' issue: Is it worthwhile to disclose? Are you so close to quitting the job that telling wouldn't make any difference? If you are at the beginning of a new job and know you can handle its challenges, why throw a monkey wrench into the deal? Check the situation out carefully. Will disclosing your AS increase your chance of getting what you need by disclosing? There is a difference between hope and reality. If you can't think straight about this question, don't even think of disclosing. You aren't sufficiently prepared to try. Unlike other things you do, disclosure can't be undone. It can't be re-tried in an effort to make the effort come out better.
Disclosure is a one-chance affair. I don't say this because I'm paranoid. I'm not. It just happens to be the truth. Ask any rehabilitation counselor whose client has 'blown it' with a prospective or actual employer. Ask any mental health professional whose patient, despite the best counseling, went ahead and showed bad judgment against the counselor's advice. Ask any professional whose disclosure has damaged a client. You won't find one who hasn't had that experience. It's a part of life, and a very painful one at that. They learn how to avoid it happening again, but the experience remains indelibly etched in their memory.
My experience taught me something. After the fact, it taught me the value of each of the five points of this section. It also taught me that the situation is different for every person, and that there are no one-size-fits-all approaches to this dilemma. Some of us are perfectly capable of taking the knowledge, going through the phases of self-determination, diagnosis, and the aftermath, and emerging relatively unscathed in one, new piece at the other end. Others of us are very vulnerable and very hurt to begin with, and we need time and understanding just to get a grip on ourselves. This is a solo act, but like learning to ride a bicycle it helps when others get us started. All of us would benefit from the help of others to pace us through this personal process.
Blue Bottle Mystery: An Asperger Adventure
Kathy Hoopmann
Of Mice and Aliens: An Asperger Adventure
Kathy Hoopmann
