‘Contact with Nature can be immensely healing.’

Caroline Jay founded and runs the Seeds of Hope Children’s Garden, a national charity which aims to promote the use of nature in helping children manage loss. For twelve years she ran a SAND (Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Charity) group, supporting families after the death of a baby. We spoke to Caroline about using life cycles to teach children about change, how nature can help us come to terms with loss, and how her own experiences inspired her to write her new book, Seeds of Hope Bereavement and Loss Activity Book.

What inspired you to write the book?Jay_Seeds-of-Hope-B_978-1-84905-546-8_colourjpg-print

A love of Nature and of being outside in the sun and air has been my inspiration for the Seeds of Hope Activity Book – that and the realisation that so much in Nature echoes the changes that happen in life.  None of us can live life without change.  All change implies loss and new beginnings  – and this is a pattern ever present in Nature.

In your book, you use life cycles in Nature as a means of explaining death.  Why did you choose that particular method?

Mainly because life cycles are fun!  How amazing to see frogspawn turn into tadpoles that then turn into frogs!  Or a grub become a caterpillar that disappears into a chrysalis out of which bursts a butterfly!  Also because looking at the lifecycles that happen all the time in Nature can help us understand that change and loss are part of a natural order.  “Death is a part of life is a part of death is a part of life is …” and so on as the circle turns.  A seed becomes a plant that becomes a flower that becomes a fruit that contains the seed from which a new plant will grow.  A baby becomes a child who becomes an adult who becomes an old person who will eventually die as new babies are born.  The 4 stages of the life cycle in Nature reflect the 4 stages of a human life.  The pattern continues: there are 4 seasons in the year, 4 weeks in the month, 4 quarters in the year.

Have you found yourself applying the methods you describe in the book in your own personal life?  Have they been helpful?

When my first child, Laura was stillborn, I found myself completely out of balance.  My hospital notes said I was a mother but I had no child.  The world around me seemed suddenly full of babies and heavily pregnant women.  The pain of grief was palpable.  I took long walks in the woods.  I found contact with Nature and the outside world to be immensely healing and grounding at a time when my world had been turned upside down.  Grief for most people can be a very dark place.  Planting seeds or plants and watching them grow in the Spring after the darkness of Winter can be uplifting and provide some hope of brighter times to come.

Does the grieving process for children and adults differ greatly?

The huge range of emotions we may feel when grieving – sadness, anger, shock, disbelief, fear, guilt, numbness to name a few – are generally speaking the same for children and adults.  One difference is that children are usually only able to stay with their feelings for short periods of time – a bit like jumping in and out of a puddle, they may be very sad one minute and want to go out and play the next.  Adults will generally have easier and clearer access to the information surrounding a death or a loss whereas children will generally be dependent on the adults around them to tell them the facts.  It is a natural instinct to want to protect children from painful life experiences but, in the case of a death, this can lead to confusion.  Children fare better when they are given honest information.

What has your experience with SAND and the Seeds of Hope Children’s Garden taught you about how people deal with loss?

Everybody responds to loss and bereavement in different ways.  There is no right and wrong way to travel the road and there are no shortcuts.  Very generally speaking men and women tend to grieve differently in that women are inclined to want to talk about their feelings for longer while men are more inclined to want to take action to restore the status quo.  Partners, whether male or female, often grieve in different ways and at different speeds.  In the case of a child’s death, the loss is equal and therefore no one person is better able to support the other.  Some seek out a support group while others prefer to grieve privately.

How do you hope your book will make a difference?

The activities in the book serve to provide structure for and clarify the grief process for a child allowing them to see the natural process of the cycle of life in Nature.  The images encourage exploration and observation of creatures, plants, and seasons.  The way in which a child’s journey through grief is handled will fundamentally determine how they manage all future losses in adulthood.  I hope the Seeds of Hope Activity Book will empower children to explore their feelings in ways they can understand – by drawing, playing, exploring and having fun.

You can find our more about Caroline’s book, read reviews or order your copy here.

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We hope you will take advantage of this opportunity to get more information about our outstanding new and upcoming titles such as How We Think About Dementia and Developing Excellent Care for People Living with Dementia in Care Homes. The catalogue also features information on bestselling titles such as Leadership for Person-Centered Dementia Care  and Comforting Touch in Dementia and End of Life Care, as well moving personal accounts of the experience of dementia such as Dancing with Dementia  from Christine Bryden.

Click this link to see a listing of new and recent titles from Jessica Kingsley Publishers’ Dementia list.

To request a copy of the JKP complete catalogue of books on dementia, please click here to fill out our sign-up sheet. Please be sure to click any additional areas of interest as well. You should receive a copy of the catalogue within two – three weeks.

 

 

On the value of writing with traumatised young people – with Marion Baraitser

Baraitser_Reading-and-Exp_978-1-84905-384-6_colourjpg-printMarion Baraitser demonstrates the power of writing with traumatised children and young people. Marion’s book ‘Reading and Expressive Writing with Traumatised Children, Young Refugees and Asylum Seekers: Unpack My Heart With Words’ is available now from the JKP website.

On the value of writing with traumatised young people:
When disturbed young people have read aloud together a strong text, talked about it with a practiced facilitator in a roomful of trusted community members, discussing characters and subjects that concern their own lives, and then written about it, it can transform their idea of themselves and of their future lives. They are better able to externalize self-hood so they can exist in the world, feeling that their internal being has connected to the outside world through books, in some profound way, a form of ‘being-in-development’, a process of growing and changing the many selves they can uncover by this process. The facilitator brings energy, optimism, warmth and responsiveness, even inspiration, or at least motivation or affirmation, to each session.
Here is Amina on the value of writing in helping her to heal:
Writing is helping me to put down memories, different perspectives, to try to find the line… Talking doesn’t do this. When I write I am having a relationship with my journal. Writing is like having a conversation with yourself. I tend to be more honest… pick up on things that lie deeper. I love myself, in writing… I am lucky to be here… I am lucky to be alive… You must keep going and finding yourself, at the same time staying true to yourself… even though you cannot forget where you started from.

Boy

How reading great books together can change lives:
The Nigerian writer Ben Okri, who holds childhood memories of civil war in Nigeria, of his schooling in Lagos 400 miles from his family and of how, on reaching England, he lived rough, by his wits, homeless and miserable. He went to London because of Dickens and Shakespeare, but he also loved African writers like Chinua Achebe and Wole Soyinka. ‘Literature doesn’t have a country. Shakespeare is an African writer… Dickens’ characters are Nigerians.’ (Okri, 1992) As the young people read aloud in the company of a facilitator and a like-minded group, they become the writer, they are taken out of themselves, and if the writer is worth his salt, that encompasses a whole new set of dimensions that can change the way they regard life and their place in it.

Marion’s book ‘Reading and Expressive Writing with Traumatised Children, Young Refugees and Asylum Seekers: Unpack My Heart With Words’ is available now from the JKP website.

 

 

 

Why Neuroscience for Counsellors?

Rachal Zara Wilson is a counsellor, social worker and author of the new Neuroscience for CounsellorsWe caught up with her for a quick chat about the book and why she wanted to write about such a complex topic. 

1.  Who do you think would benefit from reading this book?

Definitely counsellors, but also any other therapists as well.  The book is designed so that it has sections where the neuroscience is explained, and separate sections for counsellors and other therapists with suggestions on how to use this knowledge for the benefit of their clients in the session room.

Families of people who are experiencing mental health dysfunction may also be interested in the knowledge contained in this book, and also in the implications for how they can support their loved ones.

2.  Why did you write this book? Wilson_Neuroscience-fo_978-1-84905-488-1_colourjpg-print

I’ve always been interested in neuroscience; the brain is so fascinating and amazing, and capable of so much more than we’ve always been led to believe.  And of course, as a counsellor working with people, how the brain works has always been top of my mind.  The final motivator was having a child who was experiencing problems with their mental health, and I guess I just hoped to find something that would help him and others in a similar situation during the course of my research.

3.  So what’s so exciting about what you learned?

Probably the most exciting thing would be the brain’s capacity to change itself, known as brain plasticity.  The brain isn’t static, it’s more like a dynamic organ that is constantly changing for better or worse.  And what we do plays a huge part in how it changes.  How much stress we’re under, what we eat, the quality of our sleep, whether we exercise and how much, our living environments, and the presence or absence of early trauma in our lives are some of the things that contribute to the way our brain functions, and to its capacity for change, or plasticity.  I guess the most exciting thing is that we have control over this plasticity to a large degree, and we can therefore improve the quality of our brain function, our health and our lives.

4. Why don’t we know this stuff already?

Because neuroscience is a field in its infancy.  There’s a lot of learning coming through, but much of it’s wrapped up in scientific jargon, making it inaccessible to those of us who are not scientists.  And because there’s lots of different levels of looking at the brain, (both micro and macro,) different neuroscience specialties do not always integrate their specialist knowledge.  I think the benefit of this book is that it integrates the neuroscience into an overall big picture, while also drawing on this resource to come up with practical ways for integrating it into therapy.  It hasn’t been done before because it’s new, because it’s complex, and because integrating neuroscience with counselling and other therapies requires a knowledge of both fields.  I believe that in the future, all practitioners providing talking therapies are going to need to understand what neuroscience offers our professions, or risk becoming irrelevant.

5.  Why put it in a book?

This knowledge is meant to be shared.  All counsellors and therapeutic practitioners want best outcomes for their clients, and the more knowledge we have that can help people make positive change in their lives, the better.

6.  Is it complicated?

The neuroscience is complex, but the book is designed so that people who just want to know what it means for their practice can just read those sections, while those who want to understand how it all works can read up on the explanations for how all the scientific evidence fits together.  The book is written in the plainest English possible, and there is a glossary and diagrams at the back to help you fit it all together.

You can find out more about the book, read reviews and order your copy here.

Browse our latest collection of new and bestselling titles in counselling and psychotherapy

Here are our new and bestselling titles in counselling and psychotherapy. For more information on any of the books inside, simply click the title or cover image to view the full book page.

Starving our Anxiety Gremlins

Kate Collins-Donnelly; therapist, consultant, and author of Starving the Anxiety Gremlin, talks about the rise of anxiety in children. In this article, Kate discusses what can be done to help young people struggling with anxieties and shares a letter from one of the young people she has worked with on her experiences of overcoming problems caused by anxiety.

Collins-Donnell_Starving-the-An_978-1-84905-341-9_colourjpg-web

Anxiety is one of the most common mental health disorders in the UK and worldwide. The UK ONS Child and Adolescent Mental Health Survey published in 2004[1] estimated that 290,000 children and young people nationally had an anxiety disorder, which equated to 2.2% of 5 to 10 year olds and 4.4% of 11-16 year olds. Leading anxiety charity, Anxiety UK, estimate that one in six 16-24 year olds have suffered from an anxiety disorder and five pupils in an average school class will have experienced anxiety[2]. And results form an NSPCC survey published in 2004[3] revealed that 34% of the young people studied felt that they were always worrying about something, with 11% feeling extremely worried.

We still don’t know the true prevalence rates amongst national and global populations as, like many other mental health disorders, anxiety disorders remain under-reported and under-diagnosed. However, what is clear is that anxiety is a common cause of distress for children and young people today.

Just like for adults, anxiety can come in different shapes and sizes for children and young people too – with some children and young people getting anxious about a variety of things and others only experiencing anxiety in response to very specific situations. Common worries for children and young people include school work, exams, friendships, family circumstances, health, death, bullying, body image, and much more. And children and young people can experience anything from normal occasional worries, fears and nerves to long-lasting and severe anxiety disorders that include generalised anxiety disorder, simple and complex phobias, panic disorder, separation anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder and health anxiety.

Not only is anxiety common and varied, it also has the potential to be debilitating, especially when experienced on a frequent basis. This is partly because anxiety can bring such a wide range of cognitive, physical, emotional and behavioural symptoms with it, including concentration problems, obsessive thoughts, headaches, racing heartbeat, panic attacks, loss of confidence, avoidance of situations and procrastination to name a few. And it is important to remember that these symptoms can vary from young person to young person. It is also because anxiety can have impacts on all aspects of a young person’s life, including their studies, work, relationships, physical health, mental health and emotional wellbeing, future prospects, motivation and much more.

But thankfully, by learning a range of cognitive behavioural strategies and techniques, children and young people can learn to manage their anxiety and bring it under control. And that is why I wrote Starving the Anxiety Gremlin to highlight to children and young people that by learning how to think and act differently they could starve their Anxiety Gremlins for good! You see, if we all starve our Anxiety Gremlins of their favourite food – our anxiety – they’ll shrink and shrivel away!

And here is a letter from one young person that I worked with to show starving our Anxiety Gremlins really is possible! Well done Chloe! You are an inspiration!

Dear Reader,

When I was six I developed a worry.  At my birthday party I was quite badly sick and from then on I was terrified of vomiting. My worry caused panic attacks, which made me shake and cry; and gave me a runny tummy and nausea, which made me even more anxious. I thought that there was no escape from my worry. I wasn’t even sure what life would be like without it. I found it difficult to be left alone at school. I didn’t like to leave the house because I was scared of being sick or needing the toilet and not knowing where it was.  My worry was taking over my life. I didn’t know how to make it stop and my family didn’t know how to help me.

We went to see the doctor and then some people who are trained to help children with worries.   At first trying to get over my fear of sickness felt like an impossible task but slowly I found ways of fighting my worry. I learned to breathe slowly when I felt panicky and to turn my scary thoughts into sensible ones. Keeping a worry diary and telling my family and friends when I was having a particularly bad day helped too. Unfortunately none of this works over night, but if you follow the steps in Starving the Anxiety Gremlin you will learn to manage your worries. With help, I began to have less panic attacks and suddenly life didn’t feel like this huge burden. One day, it will feel like that for you too.

When I was little I didn’t know of anyone else who was going through similar things so I felt very alone. I thought I was weird. But I wasn’t weird and I definitely wasn’t alone. Lots of people have a worry; just like me, just like you. I know it may feel like there is no way out but one day things will seem a lot easier and life will seem fun again. Never forget that you are strong enough to cope with your worry and that you have the most fantastic brain to help you overcome it.

I am now 17. I still worry sometimes because everyone does but I don’t worry a lot about being sick anymore and I’ve stopped having panic attacks. If you are feeling worried and scared it is really important that you tell people how you are feeling so they can help you. I promise it gets better. Remember that you are not alone in how you feel, you aren’t weird and that most of all you are incredibly brave!

Love from your fellow worrier,

Chloe xxx 

You can give Kate’s CBT techniques a try for yourself by downloading free evaluation sheets from her workbooks Starving the Anxiety GremlinStarving the Stress Gremlin and Starving the Anger Gremlin. Download the free evaluation sheets here.
You might also want to try these free activities on building a positive body image, taken from Kate’s book Banish Your Body Image Thief, and encouraging healthy self esteem, taken from Banish Your Self-Esteem Thief.
Starving the Anxiety Gremlin has been shortlisted for the School Library Association Information Book Award 2014. Voting commences on June 18th 2014. If you’d like to find out more about the awards or request a pack for your school, visit the website here.


[1] Green, H., McGinnity, A., Meltzer, H., Ford, T. and Goodman, R. (2005) Mental Health of Children and Young People in Great Britain 2004. London: Office

[2] Anxiety UK, Children and Young People With Anxiety: A Guide for Parents and Carers, available at: www.anxietyuk.org.uk

[3] NSPCC (2004) Someone to Turn To? Who Can Children and Young People Trust

When They are Worried and Need to Talk? London: NSPCC.

Helping young people to build a positive body image

Check out this free activity from bestselling author Kate Collins-Donnelly’s upcoming book Banish Your Body Image Thief. Collins-Donnell_Banish-Your-Bod_978-1-84905-463-8_colourjpg-print

This activity will help young people to be more aware of, and to understand, their own body image and how to develop this in a healthy way. Examples of poems, drawings and songs from other young people will help them get started and show that they are not alone in how they feel.

Download the activity here

Read more about Banish Your Body Image Thief

Read more about Banish Your Self-Esteem Thief, also coming soon from Kate Collins-Donnelly.

Browse our latest collection of new and bestselling titles in social work and social care.

Here are our new and bestselling titles in social work and social care. For more information on any of the books inside, simply click the title or cover image to view the full book page.

 

 

Encourage young people to build healthy self-esteem

Collins-Donnell_Banish-Your-Sel_978-1-84905-462-1_colourjpg-webCheck out this free activity, taken from bestselling author Kate Collins-Donnelly’s forthcoming book Banish Your Self-Esteem Thief.

The activity will help young people understand more about their own self-esteem and how to develop this in a healthy, positive way. Examples of poems, drawings and songs by other young people will help to get them started and show that they are not alone in how they feel.

Download the activity here

Read more about Banish Your Self-Esteem Thief

Read more about Banish Your Body Image Thief, also coming soon from Kate Collins-Donnelly.

Adopting a balanced view

Child and family psychologist and JKP author of the bestselling A Short Introduction to Attachment and Attachment Disorder, Colby Pearce, on maintaining a balanced view when caring for children who have experienced trauma in their early lives.
This article first appeared on The Adoption Social‘s guest blog. 

I was born in January, which is the height of summer here in Adelaide, Australia. As such, I have always thought of myself as a “summer baby” and considered that this is why I enjoy the warmer months as opposed to the cooler months. I have a lifelong aversion to feeling cold and for many, many years I felt below my best during winter. I have questioned many people about this and have discovered that most people prefer either the warmer months or the cooler months. Many of them are just not happy until their preferred season returns.

About three years ago, and with the emergence of joint aches and pains during the colder months, I had the thought that it was a bit of nonsense really to consider myself a “summer baby” and defer happiness until it was warm again. I have always been a keen gardener and have a large hills garden. Looking after my garden is an act of looking after my self. Water is an issue as it is scarce and expensive, my garden is large and summer is hot (As I write this it is the fifth consecutive day of over 40C). So, I bought some rainwater tanks and now I pray for as much ‘bad’ weather as possible during the cooler months. I check the weather radar each day and feel let down if forecast wet and wintry weather blows south or north. I still have my aches and pains and look forward to the warmer months when they trouble me less, but I also look forward to cooler, wetter months now as it is a boon for my efforts to maintain a magnificent garden. And the garden? Well, with the additional water supply it has never looked better.

Strong FoundationsWhat has all this got to do with looking after children; particularly those children who experienced significant adversity in the first days, weeks, months and years of their precious lives? Well, it has to do with how we perceive them and the effects of this; both in terms of our own experience of caring for them and their experience of being cared for by us.
I am particularly interested in the idea of “self-­fulfilling ­prophecies”. In Psychology, these take the following form. I have a thought. My thought induces an emotion. My emotion activates a behavioural response. My behavioural response precipitates a reaction in others. The reaction of others often confirms my original thought.

Let’s try one. Thought: “nobody loves me”. A common feeling associated with this thought: hostility. Common behavioural responses to feelings of hostility: withdrawal and/or aggression. A common reaction to withdrawal and aggression: admonishments. An inevitable result: confirmation of the original thought.
Lets try another. He is damaged by his early experiences. I feel badly for him. I try to heal him. He keeps pushing me away. He is obviously damaged.
And, another: He is such a good artist. I am so proud of him. I support and encourage his interest in art. His skills develop and he is often affirmed for his artistic achievements. He is such a good artist!

Children who have experienced significant adversity at the beginning of their life are commonly referred to as “traumatised”. There is much literature about how early trauma impacts the developing child, including their acquisition of skills and abilities, their emotions, their relationships with others and even their brain. This literature focuses on the damage early trauma does and there is a risk that we, their caregivers, see these children as damaged.

One of my favourite allegories is the one that the author Paulo Coelho tells in his book, The Zahir. Coelho tells the story of two fire­fighters who take a break from fire fighting. One has a clean face and the other has a dirty, sooty face. As they are resting beside a stream, one of the fire­fighters washes his face. The question is posed as to which of the fire­fighters washed his face. The answer is the one whose face was clean, because he looked at the other and thought he was dirty.

The idea of the looking-­glass ­self (Cooley, 1902), whereby a person’s self-­concept is tied to their experience of how others view them, has pervaded my life and my practice since I stumbled across the concept as a university student. Empirical studies have shown that the self-­concept of children, in particular, is shaped by their experience of how others view them. In my work, this has created a tension between acknowledging the ill ­effects of early trauma and encouraging a more helpful focus among those who interact with so ­called ‘traumatised children’ in a caregiving role.

I am just as fallible as the next person, and I do not have all the answers. But as a professional who interacts with these children and their caregivers on a daily basis I strive to find a balance between acknowledging and addressing the ill­effects of early trauma and promoting a more helpful perception of these children. I strive to present opportunities to these children for them to experience themselves as good, lovable and capable; to experience me and other adults in their lives as interested in them, as caring towards them and as delighting in their company; as well as experiences that the world is a safe place where their needs are satisfied. I strive to enhance their experience of living and relating, rather than dwelling on repairing the damage that was done to them.

Most of all, I see precious little humans whose potential is still yet to be discovered. eyes

Eyes are mirrors for a child’s soul. What do children see in your eyes?

References
Coelho, P (2005), The Zahir. London. Harper Collins Cooley, C.H. (1902). Human Nature and the Social Order. New York. NY: Scribner
Publishers

Prepared for The Adoption Social by Colby Pearce (Clinical Psychologist and Author), ©2014
You can read the original blog post here.
You can keep up with Colby’s blog posts on his website, here.
You can also follow him on Twitter @colbypearce