In our book on healing eating disorders we emphasize the benefits of a holistic approach to the treatment of issues such as disordered eating, body dissatisfaction, related mood disorders and more.  Action methods which involve the body as well as the mind, heart, and spirit are particularly effective and lend themselves to collaboration with several other modalities which we explore in our book:  art, music, mindfulness, Reiki and other energy work, acupuncture, yoga, and more.  Case studies and a variety of examples illustrate a number of creative options.

In a recent 90 minute workshop given at a yoga studio, I combined action methods, education, mindfulness, poetry, art and yoga so participants could experience the power of integrating these modalities.

Following introductions and group guidelines (confidentiality, self-care, freedom to choose one’s level of participation and an overview of class, and so on), I introduced the class to the concept of “the Witness Role”—the part of the self that can step back and observe thoughts, feelings, and behaviors without judgment and with compassion.

Prior to class, I had blessed the room with Reiki and placed a selection of artistic photograph cards (spring landscapes*) along the window sills.  Group members were invited to select a card that could “ . . . hold the Role of the Witness for you throughout today’s workshop.  Share the card and reasons for choosing the card with one other person in the room whom you do not know.”  Then, cards were placed somewhere in the room where each card could “hold the role of the Inner Witness” for the time of the workshop.

Then, returning to our circular seating arrangement, class members were instructed to look in their folder for a copy of a poem which I selected related to the theme.  After reading, members shared verbally which lines of the poem resonated with them.

Following this, was the teaching of basic yoga principles specifically as they apply to issues around making peace with food and the body and developing “the Self-Care Role”.  Topics included “Yamas” of non-harm to self and others; truthfulness to self and others; being authentic; discerning the difference between needs and wants; moderation; and releasing attachments to outcomes.  Next, the “Niyamas” for cultivating a healthy inner life:  external and internal purity; “the body is a temple of the spirit”; practice of contentment and maintaining equanimity—responding to life with love and faith, not from fear; cultivating passion for health rather than obsession with weight or appearance; practice of self-observation (i.e. Inner Witness Role) by taking time to pause and breathe to understand one’s reactions and triggers; and the practice of surrender.

Next, ways of incorporating these into life were explored, beginning with the breath and the experience of noticing one’s breath mindfully followed by yoga breathing.  Following this was meditation on and off the mat, both with movement and in stillness.  And following was brief teaching about the power of positive affirmations; journaling; the necessity of movement balanced with stillness; getting support and practicing gratitude.

All teaching points were covered in handouts including the research supported benefits of Hatha Yoga such as the elevation of serotonin, helping alleviate depression, ADHD, anxiety and yoga’s multiple physiological benefits.

The class drew to a close with members each returning to the space where “the witness card” had been placed.  “Take the role of your witness and look at ‘yourself’ (envisioned on the mat or bolster where they had been seated) and in a few sentences from the Witness Role, tell yourself what you observed and the ‘take home’ message from the workshop.”  After each participant did this, the circle re-formed and each person stated his/her name with a hand on heart re-affirming the pledge of confidentiality and self-care.  For closing, the word and gesture, “NAMASTE” which is a slight bow, hands held in “prayer pose” by the heart, meaning “The Light in me honors the Light in you.”

The workshop feedback forms showed a consensus of the group members’ experiences as:

“ . . . inclusive, thoughtful, gentle, non-judgmental . . . loved the learning and the helpful reminder of how to incorporate yoga into my recovery . . .”

*Thanks to Landscape photographer and poet Alma Nugent for providing these.

For more information or to buy Healing Eating Disorders with Psychodrama and Other Action Methods, please visit our website.

Click here to sign up for a free copy.

Customers in the US who request a copy of the catalog before May 31, 2013 will also receive an email voucher good for a 10% discount which can be used to order the books in the catalog. This is an excellent opportunity to pre-order a copy of Tony Attwood’s forthcoming book, From Like to Love for Young People with Asperger’s Syndrome or Mild Autism, to check out Jennifer Cook O’Toole’s latest bestseller, The Asperkid’s Launch Pad, or to get hold of Elle Olivia Johnson’s Parent’s Guide to In-Home ABA Programs which was called “required reading” by Library Journal.  

You can also use the discount to augment your library of JKP’s top 12 best selling books for working with children and young people on the autism spectrum, including:

• Freaks, Geeks and Asperger’s Syndrome by Luke Jackson
• Kids in the Syndrome Mix of ADHD, LD, Asperger’s, Tourette’s, Bipolar and More! by Martin Kutscher
• The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome by Tony Attwood
• My Social Stories Book by Carol Gray and Abbie Leigh White
• Everyday Activities to Help Your Young Child with Autism Live Life to the Full, by Debra S. Jacobs and Dion E. Betts

To request a copy of our Children with Autism Spectrum Conditions catalog, please click here. The catalog will arrive shortly in the mail. You will receive your 10% discount voucher via email at about the same time.

If you are already on our mailing list and would like to take advantage of the 10% discount, please feel free to request an email voucher by sending a request directly to orders@jkp.com

Click this link to see our full listing of books on Asperger Syndrome, Autism and other Syndromes.

Egg donation—how did it all begin? There are published records from as early as the late 1800s of experiments conducted on women who lost their ovaries at young ages. However, it was not until the arrival of in vitro fertilization in 1978 that physicians had a means for enabling a woman to become pregnant with another woman’s eggs. The first child born through egg donation was born in Australia in 1983.

In its early years, egg donation, though possible, was not readily available. The first donors were either sisters or cousins (of their recipients) or they were infertile women who were undergoing IVF. Since cryopreservation of embryos was not available to all, some of these women had “extra eggs” for which they had only two options: discard or donate to other infertile women. Another group of early egg donors were women seeking tubal ligation who were invited to donate their eggs in exchange for the cost of their procedure. Either way, donated eggs were relatively few and far between and for the most part, came from women whose donation was based more on practicality or expediency than on an affirmative decision to help an infertile couple. The scarcity of eggs made the experience challenging for would be recipients who had little way of knowing if and when donated eggs would become available to them. One mother of a now 23-year-old through egg donation recalls taking medications over an extended period of time to ensure her uterus was ready for implantation should a donated egg come along. She was literally “on call” for news that an egg was available. When the call came, there was no asking about who the donor was or what her genetic history revealed. The recipient was instructed to go immediately to the fertility clinic, where she underwent a full laparatomy (a surgical incision in the abdominal area) and a gamete intrafallopian transfer (GIFT procedure). The donor’s eggs were mixed with the recipient’s husband’s sperm and placed in her tubes.

Much has changed. Not only has IVF fully replaced GIFT as a vehicle for egg donation, but beginning in the late 1980s, women were actively recruited for voluntary egg donation. This began in medical clinics, some of whom continue to recruit donors. However, in the United States, independent “Egg Donor Agencies” rapidly replaced medical programs as the main source of donated eggs. By the late 1990’s it was common to see adds like the following in college newspapers:

“Make a dream come true. Help a childless couple become parents. If you are under 34, healthy, a non-smoker, please consider donating some of your eggs. You will be compensated for your time and effort.”

The arrival of these programs transformed egg donation from something extremely difficult to arrange to something that, with financial/health insurance resources and access to medical treatment, can be launched with a few visits to internet web sites. One need simply type in “Egg donation” to be connected to agencies with names ranging from “Precious Wonders” to “Tiny Treasures” to “An Angel’s Gift” to “Peas in a Pod” and “Our Fairy Godmother.” As of this writing, there are 94 Egg Donor Agencies listed on the website of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine. Most have tantalizing websites that offer hope to infertile couples many of whose journey to parenthood as so far been filled with only disappointment and loss. They also offer the promise of financial and emotional reward to young women who are invited to undergo ovarian hyperstimulation and egg retrieval.

Just as there have been changes in the availability and accessibility of donors, so also have there been shifts in the way people think about egg donation. In the early years there was a real sense that the science was advancing far more rapidly than our understanding of what it means for a person to be physically born to three people. Instead of taking note of what a seismic shift this marked in human reproduction, physicians presented egg donation as a treatment for female infertility. In so doing, they missed the opportunity to examine, make sense of and ul†imately celebrate what egg donation means for identity formation and our understanding of kinship. Sadly, egg donation was pushed into the shadows, spoken of in hushed tones and burdened by secrecy.

The experiences of parents through egg donation, their children and their donors changed significantly with the arrival of the Donor Sibling Registry in 2000. This US based worldwide registry was founded in 2000 by Wendy Kramer and her son, Ryan, who was conceived via sperm donation. The registry helps people connect with donor relations.  In the 12 years since its founding, the DSR has helped connect over 9200 individuals with their donor relations. Wendy Kramer reports there are on average two new matches every day. For egg donation families, this has meant that parents have connected with donors, donors with offspring and as the name of the DSR suggests, offspring with other offspring.  As word of the DSR has grown and with it, people’s appreciation of the significance of genetic connections, families have been turning to the DSR in new ways. As of this writing, there are several egg donor agencies in the US that include the DSR in their donor-recipient contracts, making it possible for people who want anonymity (or at least to start out with no identifying information) to remain in touch and share photos and updated medical and social information.

Where Are We Today?

Looking at egg donation today we see a very different picture from what we saw even as recently when we prepared our 2005 edition of Having Your Baby Through Egg Donation.  In addition to the changes noted above, we see changes in the way ED parents feel about their path to parenthood. The secrecy that prevailed in the past has lifted and been replaced with honesty and privacy. True, there are some ED parents who still feel they have something to be secretive about, but increasing numbers are treating their child’s story as an open but private matter. They don’t go around saying “my egg donor baby” etc, but acknowledge donor conception when there is a reason to do so. In talking about it in a natural and appropriate way, most find that others are fully accepting of and comfortable with egg donation. Accompanying this more open approach to egg donation in general has been increased comfort with the donors.  As one mother through egg donation put it,

“When I first heard about egg donation, I did not want to meet my donor because I thought that I would see her face in my child and it would upset me. Now I feel the opposite. I have twins and one looks just like the donor. I love it because it is a constant reminder of the remarkable woman who helped make us a family.”

With increased comfort and familiarity with egg donation has come increase use of this option. Or perhaps it is the reverse—as more people have become parents through egg donation, more of them have become comfortable speaking openly about it. Either way, the use of egg donation is on the rise. In 2010, the most recent year for which the SART (Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology) statistics are available, there were 9, 321 transfers using donated eggs. Over 55% of these result in live births. This is the official SART number. Wendy Kramer of the DSR found, in surveying parents through egg donaton, that 42% were never asked to inform their clinic whether they had a live birth. Some did so voluntarily and others did not. If we add in the pregnancies that resulted from frozen embryo transfers, there were over 8,000 births in the US alone (in 2010) from donated eggs.

So egg donation in the US is accepted. It is also common. And it is available. All that said, it can still feel overwhelming to embark on a path to egg donation. Recipients must identify a medical program that they have confidence in, figure out how they will afford the medical treatment and often, donor and other fees and they must find and secure a donor.  All of this is do-able but it takes time, wherewithal, money, stamina and information.

Although egg donation has enjoyed widespread acceptance and relatively little scrutiny in the United States, this is not the case throughout the world. In Italy, for instance, a law was passed in 2004 completely banning oocyte donation, banning as well use of donor sperm and helping women past childbearing age becoming pregnant via ARTs. The road to this law started in 1994 when Italy made headlines when Dr. Severino Antinori used donor eggs to get 63 year old Rosana Della Cortes pregnant. Robin Marantz Henig’s New York Times article (2004) states,

“We are learning the wrong lessons from our earlier misadventures. Things got a little out of hand, yes, but that is because governments around the world adopted a hands-off policy towards the whole affair. It was too complicated to reach consensus about what steps were too intrusive, about when human life begins, about what risks were worth taking for the sake of having one’s own biological child. So governments turned their backs on reproductive technology and allowed the field to be taken over by cowboys.”

Still, unable to come to a consensus about exactly what should be accepted and what should not as far as egg donation, countries like Italy, Austria, Norway, Sweden and Switzerland have also nearly eliminated ovum donation. While such strict laws serve to call everyone’s attention to the potential for ethical abuses in egg donation, they also create new social problems. There now exists what has been termed “fertility tourism”—people living in countries that ban oocyte donation are traveling to other countries to obtain eggs.

Visit our website to get additional information or to order a copy of Having Your Baby Through Egg Donation 2nd edition by Ellen Sarasohn Glazer and Evelina Weidman Sterling.

Tips and Advice for Grandparents from JKP author Charlotte E. Thompson.

Grandparents who have a grandchild with severe allergies
tell me they live in fear of having the child eat something
to which their grandchild is very allergic. Even when grandparents carefully check the labels on everything a grandchild eats, there can always be an ingredient that is not listed. Serving simple foods with known ingredients can lessen the anxiety. As the child grows older, he or she can be taught to ask questions about foods and learn what is safe and what is not safe to eat. The child must also be taught not to trade foods with friends.

Taking an allergic grandchild on a trip can be a real problem, but there are ways to get help. The U.S. travel agency, Grandtravel, has pamphlets they can send and they will also plan a trip to keep a grandchild safe from harmful foods. The Food Allergy and Anaphylaxis Network can help with pamphlets and information, and their website is www.foodallergy.org. Eating in a restaurant can be a problem. Calling ahead of time to a restaurant or stopping in to talk to the owner about a grandchild’s food allergies can be helpful.

PREVENTIVE MEASURES

A child with severe allergies should always wear a bracelet, such as those than can be purchased from MedicAlert and similar companies. The bracelets list the child’s allergies and give a number to call for information. All family members should be aware of the allergies and know what to do in an emergency. Babysitters and child-care staff should also be alerted, as should teachers, and other people with whom a child spends time. If a child goes off to camp, careful investigation is needed about the medical care and the closest medical facilities. It would also be wise to speak with the camp director or nurse.

Epinephrine can be lifesaving if a child has a severe allergic reaction and comes in the form of an Epi-Pen in the United States. Similar products are available worldwide, I am sure. An Epi-Pen should be available in the home, grandmother’s purse, the car, at school, and at a relative’s or a good friend’s house, if the grandchild spends a lot of time there. Expiration dates need to be checked to sure they are always current. Grandparents who are fearful of giving an injection can take an orange or grapefruit to their doctor’s office and get the nurse to show them how to give injections.

Any child with severe allergies should have seen a pediatric allergist and be under his or her supervision and care. Often allergy injections given over a long period of time can help decrease the severity of the allergy. Sometimes, too, the doctor can find out that foods thought to cause a problem were not dangerous after all. The foods most responsible for allergic reactions are: milk, eggs, peanuts, fish, shellfish, soy, wheat, cashews, and almonds.  Keeping a food diary for a few days could help sort out what is causing a problem.

It is important, too, that general health needs are not overlooked. Every child needs a yearly complete physical examination, as well as a complete blood count (CBC), urinalysis, and tuberculin skin test. Often these are overlooked.

It is comforting to know that allergies usually lessen with age, but caution is always advised. It is important that grandparents treat allergies in a matter-of-fact way, so their own anxiety does not make the grandchild anxious.

Charlotte E. Thompson, M.D. is a pediatrician and specialist in children’s muscle diseases. She founded and directed the Center for Handicapped Children in San Francisco for 23 years and has worked as a consultant for six pediatric neuromuscular programs. She is a mother of two and a grandmother and lives in California. She is the author of Grandparenting a Child with Special Needs, published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

To receive a free copy of the catalog, please sign up for our mailing list and we’ll get one out to you right away. You may also request multiple copies to share with colleagues and parents — simply note how many copies of the catalog you would like (up to 20) in the “any additional comments” box on the sign-up form.

This is an excellent opportunity to get more information about forthcoming titles such as Visual Supports for Visual Thinkers by Lisa Rogers and Practical Mathematics for Children with an Autism Spectrum Disorder and Other Developmental Delays as well as recent books like Teaching Theory of Mind by Kirstina Ordetx and bestsellers like Jennifer Cook O’Toole’s Asperkid’s (Secret) Book of Social Rules. The catalog also contains a wealth of information on fun and useful books designed specifically to be read by and with children with special needs, such as An Exceptional Children’s Guide to Touch by Hunter Manasco and The Panicosaurus by K. I. Al Ghani. 

Click this link to see our full listing of books for Special Educators.

To request a copy of our US Special Educators Catalog, please click here to fill out our sign-up sheet. Please be sure to click any additional areas of interest as well. You should receive a copy of the catalog within two weeks.

I am a psycholinguistics professor. I like to study language acquisition and the way people use language to express their thoughts. I’m particularly interested in semantics, metaphor analysis and perspective taking. I tell you this because it helps me explain why I chose to label myself an Aspie rather than a person who has Asperger syndrome. My basic premise is simple. The word Aspie is just that—a word. One word. A simple noun that easily snuggles into a sentence with little effort. It is far less cumbersome to say (or write) “I am an Aspie” or “Aspies find it difficult to understand non-verbal language” than it is to say “I am a person who has been diagnosed with Asperger syndrome” or “People who are diagnosed with Asperger syndrome find it difficult to understand non-verbal language.”

You see my point? The word Aspie is short and sweet. I talk fast. I write fast. I think fast. If I were a musical notation I’d be a staccato not a slurry legato. If I were a bird, I’d want to be a hummingbird that flies around here, there everywhere within a blink of an eye. I’d be very depressed if I found myself on the opposite end of the bird world, stuck inside the feathers of a big ol’ turkey lumbering to get off its feet to nap in a nest. Now before someone thinks to reply with something like, “Wait, is Holliday Willey saying if we don’t like the term Aspie, we are stupid turkeys?” let me remind you, I’m a writer who likes to use images to express myself. Nothing more. There’s no subtext here. Just a picture of two birds, one little and fast, one big and slow.

And that brings me to my next point. Subtext. Semantics. I often read debates and declarations making the point that the word Aspie implies a superior mindset, as compared to for example, someone who has been labeled as autistic. I urge caution when or if this thought occurs, because it may well be an example of erroneous perspective taking. I personally know no one who thinks being labeled Aspie means we are better than, superior to, or more capable of anyone on any measure. I suppose there are those who might use the term Aspie to give themselves a feeling of comfort they may not have if they called themselves autistic, but that’s their choice and I won’t let it define who I am or how I define the word Aspie. Conversely, I hear from people who think the term Aspie makes too little of life with Asperger’s syndrome, that using this simple word belittles the challenges or makes those with Asperger syndrome look like a lump of lemmings who are all identical in their needs and wants. I don’t understand this point of view. Again, we’re talking perspective taking. Seriously—how in the world does a five-letter word create such havoc?

I’m often credited with being the first person to use Aspie in print. If that’s the case I have the right to define the word properly and here it is: Aspie—a person with Asperger syndrome.

That’s it. Please, let’s not waste our precious time debating the merits, the semantics, or the use/disuse of five little letters.  Don’t we have far more important things to concern ourselves with such as health care for those who aren’t receiving it? Insurance coverage for individuals with special needs? Civil rights for anyone who is being denied them? Satisfying employment, academic equality, equal opportunity housing for all? Acceptance, understanding and celebration of differences?

Look, I don’t care if a person wants to slow their tongue around an entire bunch of words to express the fact they have an autism spectrum difference. I’m just saying those of us who choose to say Aspie should be free to have the same liberty of self-expression. Let’s not let this word, any word, make us fight amongst one another. To each his own. Isn’t that the best sort of motto for we with a difference? Isn’t that what diversity is all about?

Liane Holliday-Willey is the author of Safety Skills for Asperger Women, Pretending to be Normal, Asperger Syndrome in the Family and Asperger Syndrome in Adolescence, all published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers. For more information on Dr. Holliday Willey, please visit www.aspie.com or tweet her at aspie101.

ABA.  DTT.  Maintenance.  Reinforcers.  Data.  Prompting.  A-B-C Data. 

Whoa.  Let’s slow down.  You CAN do this!

Learning that your child has, or is considered at-risk for an autism spectrum disorder, can be an emotionally draining, confusing, and stressful experience. Along with these challenges faced by parents and families, there are languages to master: the languages of Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA), in-home therapy, and behavior. You never thought you’d need these skills, right? Well, life is full of surprises, and the surprise that you and your family received is that you will be learning some unique and important information. Rather than getting caught up in the amount of new stuff you’re being asked to learn, keep it simple by focusing on learning a little about each part.

1.  Learning about applied behavior analysis and what an in-home ABA therapy session looks like, includes, and what is expected of you.
In-home ABA program supervisors and therapists will work closely with you to teach you about ABA and how the techniques in the ABA “toolbox” can help your child and your family. You will learn how ABA is used to teach your child, how you can use the same teaching techniques in your day-to-day lives, and how progress is assessed and documented. You will also receive information about the purpose of each task your child is being asked to do, why these specific tasks have been chosen, and how each task leads to new skills. View this portion of your ABA education a little like looking at a map. You can choose to look at a map from space, seeing just a blur of each area. Click a little closer, and you can see states and lakes. Move in closer still, and you will see individual street names and landmarks. Your ABA learning will feel a little like this. A big blur in the beginning, but clarity as you become more familiar.

2.  Learning the lingo!  What do all those acronyms mean?
Like I said….whoa. ABA lingo is the shorthand educators and ABA professionals use to keep notes and instructions simple. I know that if I jumped into the role of a nurse, I would have absolutely no idea what the medical notes and codes meant. It’s the same feeling you have as you are learning about ABA. Don’t worry, there will not be a test on this, but you should be familiar with the specific abbreviations your ABA provider uses, especially if you want to learn to take data yourself. It’s ok to use a cheat sheet….but soon, you won’t need it. You will become as familiar with ABA terminology as you are with the acronyms you use in your work life.

3.  Looking forward
Life sometimes brings you to places you never, ever dreamed you would travel.  You are there for a reason, and when things seem overwhelming, confusing, or impossible, remember that you are the absolute best person, in the entire world, to help your child. They cannot do it without you, the ABA provider cannot do it without you, and the in-home ABA team NEEDS you. Learn as much as you can, ask millions of questions, and if you feel you want to go further in your learning about ABA, ABA therapy, or behavior, look into expanding your education. Keep in mind that as an advocate for your child, it is also your job to carefully evaluate claims about therapies and cures for autism. Stick to peer-reviewed, research-based, reputable research claims. Anecdotal evidence is not equivalent to well-conducted research.

Finally, take a deep breath, smile, and enjoy your child. Things are going to be fine. This whole confusing ABA journey is about to get a lot simpler.

ForeWord’s Book of the Year Awards program was created to highlight the year’s most distinguished books from independent publishers. Finalists were selected from 1300 entries covering 62 categories of books from independent and academic presses. These books represent some of the best books produced by independent publishing houses in 2012.

We’re extremely excited to announce that three books from Jessica Kingsley Publishers/Singing Dragon have been selected as Finalists!

Finalist in Adult Nonfiction — Body, Mind & Spirit

-Mudras of India: A Comprehensive Guide to the Hand Gestures of Yoga and Indian Dance
by Cain Carroll and Revital Carroll

Finalist in Adult Nonfiction — Career

- The Complete Guide to Getting a Job for People with Asperger’s Syndrome: Find the Right Career and Get Hired
by Barbara Bissonnette

Finalist in Children’s — Young Adult Nonfiction

-Inside Asperger’s Looking Out
by Kathy Hoopmann

A panel of sixty judges, librarians and booksellers only, will determine the winners. Gold, Silver, and Bronze awards, as well as Editor’s Choice Prizes for Fiction and Nonfiction, will be announced at the American Library Association (ALA) Annual Conference in Chicago, Friday, June 28th, 6pm at The Pop Top Stage.

JKP/SD would like to congratulate all of our 2012 BOYTA Finalists.

For more information on ForeWord Reviews, the BOTYA or to see the full selection of 2012 Finalists, please visit: BOTYA 2012 Finalists

While they shouldn’t be, doctors’ offices can be intimidating to a lot of people. And to those of us who live with and love Asperkids, it can be very hard to—on cue—be able to articulate why our obviously brilliant children are NOT just “anxious and highly gifted.” Do NOT allow your instincts to be dismissed—highly intelligent, articulate kids (ESPECIALLY girls) are the most like to be under-or mis-diagnosed, leading to years of heartache and wounded self-esteem.

Before you go to an evaluation, write out as many specific examples of the following behaviors–read each aloud and offer to leave a copy behind. You may also wish to leave a copy with any teachers who are filling out forms–your notes often will jog their memories. Last—insist on “critiquing” your kiddo OUTSIDE of his/her presence. Clinicians sometimes forget that theirs isn’t the first (or last) you’ll visit—and no one needs to hear repeated lists of their own personal challenges.

Here’s what to make note of:

• ticking: eye squinting or blinking, finger flicking, biting or picking at lips, smacking or licking lips, licking or mouthing non-food items, running or spinning in circles, repeating words or sounds for no apparent reason
• touching – other people, objects, etc without regard for “personal space”
• specific instances of being very upset by changes in routine (like not watching a show at a particular time, a change in classroom arrangement, even in her “spot” at the dinner table or class rug)
• generalized anxiety and prolonged separation anxiety, extreme concern with getting things just right or having objects just so – opening and closing doors, garbage can lids, cabinets, the length of sleeves, the order of displayed collectibles)
•  scripting: directly quoting tv or movies and/or expecting others to play exactly as the story went
• not really knowing how to collaboratively, interactively, spontaneously “play” when given freedom to do so (ESP in a new place or with other kids); preference for the company of older kids, adults or much younger children
• rule police – upset when others break rules, correcting peers without understanding the consequences
• interrupting frequently without really meaning to be ride
• knowing a professorial amount of facts about something (trains, history, mermaid lore, etc)
• talking about that topic at length even when others’ body language cue that they are not interested
• rigid thinking – inability/extreme difficulty in compromising, considering alternative plans or solutions, or “going with the flow” when plans change
• sensitivity to noise, tags, movement, crowds, unexpected touch, clothing textures
• lack of reciprocity in conversations; being unaware of the “natural give and take” in relationships and dialogue
• not discerning between “friendly” and “friend”
• bluntly (or refreshingly!) honest – but can be perceived as self-centered, rude or arrogant, even though is actually compassionate and sensitive
• difficulty seeing or truly understanding others’ perspective
• has a hard time shifting attention from one task or activity to another without getting upset, confused or overwhelmed
• organizational struggles – extreme distractability/gets off-task quickly and repeatedly
• wants to be included but can’t figure out how to join in OR how to maintain friendships
•  much more comfortable with “facts than with folks”

Be prepared with very specific examples and expect to have to fill out lots of forms. Hope this helps you to be the best advocate for that precious,’ precocious kid who’s depending upon you.  Xoxo, j

Jennifer Cook O’Toole is the author of Asperkids: An Insider’s Guide to Loving, Understanding and Teaching Children with Asperger Syndrome (2012), The Asperkid’s (Secret) Book of Social Rules: The Handbook of Not-So-Obvious Social Guidelines for Tweens and Teens with Asperger Syndrome (2012), and the forthcoming The Asperkid’s Launch Pad: Home Design to Empower Everyday Superheroes (April 2013) all published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

To learn more about Jennifer, the Asperkids series and to read her original post, please visit her website: Asperkids.

Why You Need a Work Buddy

Many years ago, I read that someone had figured out 200 different ways to wash dishes. This underscored that there are many different methods for achieving the same result.

This is also true in the workplace. Every organization has unique systems and processes. Even if you have the same job at a new company, there will be differences in procedures, policies, and equipment. The reporting structures may be different. Certainly the people will be, and they will have different expectations, preferences and communication styles. The company culture might also be a departure from your previous experience.

The unique way that “things get done around here” can only be learned on the job, and from your co-workers. This is why I believe that one of the most important employment success strategies you can implement is to find a “work buddy.”

A work buddy is a colleague, preferably a peer or someone in your department. This should not be your supervisor or a human resources representative. This is someone who can help you to understand and learn the many specific details about how to do your job and interact with others in the company. Sometimes, this is a formally established partnership with a designated mentor or trainer. More often, a work buddy is someone who you like and trust.

There are many benefits of having a work buddy. He can translate unspoken workplace rules for you: what is a priority, how your supervisor prefers to get information, whom you can trust and whom you should avoid. He can explain office politics—who in the organization really has power, how decisions get made, what qualities are valued, and how various departments or divisions interact.

Your buddy can also provide concrete ideas about how to work efficiently. Paul was overwhelmed by the weekly volume of patients that he had to manage in his job as a physician’s assistant. He couldn’t determine whether he was processing paperwork too slowly or simply had too many patients to see. Paul asked his buddy, a fellow physician’s assistant, to review his case-management methods. The co-worker showed Paul short cuts that saved four hours of administrative time per week.

Dan’s buddy was able to give him excellent advice about how to handle various conflicts and frustrations. Once, he stopped Dan from sending an angry email to the director of the IT department. “He talked me out of something that could really have damaged my reputation, or gotten me fired,” Dan said.

We all need a reality check from time to time, and this is another way that your work buddy can be of great value. This person can provide feedback about things such as: Is my supervisor critical of just my work, or of everyone else’s, too? Are other people confused by the new system, or it is just me? Is everyone overwhelmed or am I the only one who can’t keep up? Was that comment a joke or a put down?

Your work buddy needs to be someone whom you explicitly trust. You may or may not decide to tell him about your Asperger’s Syndrome. Signs that a co-worker will make a good work buddy include:

▪ Patience when answering your questions: they don’t say, “I’m surprised you don’t know that;” or “It’s obvious;” or “Weren’t you paying attention?”

▪ Volunteering information that is important for you to know, such as: things that annoy your supervisor, who is trustworthy, or who to go to with questions.

▪ Introducing you to other people in the company.

▪ Making sure that you are invited to lunches with your department or team members, or to social events outside the office.

Once you have identified a colleague with these characteristics, it is not necessary to ask that he or she become your work buddy. This will happen naturally over time. Be careful not to overwhelm this person with too many questions and requests for advice. Build the relationship through interaction and becoming friendly.

Express gratitude for the assistance you receive: “Thanks, Bill, for filling me in on the situation with Steve.” Be alert for ways to reciprocate, such as offering to pitch in if your buddy has a lot of work, bringing him a cup of coffee, or taking him to lunch.  You do not need to “keep score,” that is, do something for the person every time he does something for you. If you are uncertain of appropriate ways to show appreciation, talk the situation over with someone outside of work.

Excerpted from Asperger’s Syndrome Workplace Survival Guide: A Neurotypical’s Secrets for Success, © 2013, Barbara Bissonnette. Coming in May from Jessica Kingsley Publishers.